Hey, sucka! Which has the best
built-in camera? Why carry around a
camera when you have this?
Hey, sucka! I gotta get home for
Monday Night Raw. Hey! You!
You’re missing Monday Night Raw!
Hahahaha! Hey, sucka!
Tell me about the 5. Tell me
about the 4. How is that different than
the 5? The 4? The 4S, 3, 2, 1, liftoff,
hahaha. I’m the president of an organization,
so I’m always editing documents, presentations,
right up until the last minute. If I could
just carry this device around instead of—
What? Boston? This afternoon? I haven’t
watched the news. I haven’t listened to the
radio. Terror. Oh, that sounds like
terror. And you’re trying to tell me
there’s no global war on terror? He’s
the last person I want to hear from after
terror. Terror! Okay, okay, I’m hungry and
tired. Hungry and tired.
Tell me about the rebate. Tell me about the
cloud. The app. The terror. The
assistant store manager. The minutes.
The data. The terror. The data. The terror.
The case. The protective case. The case.
6 feet? Okay. 6 feet, I’ll drop
it from 6 feet and the sucka will survive.
I have to get home for Monday Night Raw.


⊡ ⊡ ⊡

Maribeth Theroux is a poet and performer. She has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and appeared Off-Broadway as Kelly Kapowski in Bayside! The Musical. Depending on when you read this, Maribeth either lives in New Jersey or Los Angeles. She tweets at @maribeththeroux.